Mental Health Dojo

Truck_1_0_1_

I Don't Know, but I Have You!
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My condolences to your family; it's devastating to read about a tragic death like that :(

The questions/discussions you've posed are super grey and it looks like you're trying to make it a black and white situation (I may be completely wrong on that, so my apologies if my observation is incorrect), but I would say your mother's old perspective and new perspective, are both correct.

I'm in a job/industry that I never expected to be in and had no formal training/experience before coming into it (Finance). I'm not over the moon about my job, but I *far* from dislike it and I do enjoy many aspects of it, quite a bit. As for the money, I earn more than my mother ever did at her highest salary in her life and (unless my dad is lying to me), more than my dad earned in any salary, aside from 2 (he always moved jobs, whether his own doing or others).

So to say that, "happiness doesn't matter if you make good money," or, "all the money in the world won't help unless you're happy," again, is making a black and white sitch out of a clearly grey sitch.

Like with everything in life, there must be a BALANCE struck between the two and because money is such an integral part of every day life in 2022 (and beyond, of course), one cannot just turn away money if you're unhappy... but at the same time, you shouldn't just do something you love if it means you're going to struggle living day to day, which can (and usually does) put stress and heartache on your family, friends and those you love: again, a balance is key.

Am I bummed that I'm not in my dream job of being a sports commentator or any job in sports media (I'd've taken anything lol)? A bit, yes. But I am thankful that I have ended up in the career I have, because I have met such amazing people, it has taken me to see the whole country and it has sustained my life/lifestyle and the life/lifestyle of my family. I could very easily quit this job and then do my dream job, but due to the nature of that industry, I'd have to cut my teeth and eat shit for a good 3+ years, before I can see any sustainable income and job stability and with owning a home, having a newborn son and all that those entail, I can't sustain mine or my family's well-being.

I think we see a lot of people get wrapped up in friends/acquaintances, "perceived success," of running their own business/side gig on Social Media (I put it in quotes, as people only show what they want others to see and that is usually the successful, end-game of a ton of hours of sweat, failure and hard-work) and it creates a false sense of, "I can do that too!" or FOMO and then these people quite their jobs they're unhappy in, work these, "dream jobs," then struggle to death because they don't earn enough money to live and then subsequently place a burden on the system (which I'm all for, btw, but that's a discussion for another thread), which in turn affects the economy negatively, etc., etc., etc. Then they are EVEN MORE miserable, since the gig didn't work out and go back to a similar job like before, where their misery gets to an all-time high.

I think the main thing to take from this is yes, we ALL want to do what we love when it comes to work/career "(do something you love and you'll never work a day in your life!)," but 99% of the world cannot do so and thus, we must find the next best thing and make the best of it. It may not be ideal or, "how," we should live, but it is necessary for survival and the sooner the whole world comes to grips with the fact their dreams significantly hinder on luck (which most people don't have), I think we'll see more people who are mature, responsible and accountable for things (not a knock on you, Leroy).

The good news is that you can still do your filmmaking and other loves as said side gig, even if it doesn't make money, you do it for the love of it. That, in conjunction with your job, can help make both even better, as you are earning funds to go towards your love and your love helps keep emotions high when things may be going down at work. Balance ;)


PS: Be positive and do your best, the confidence will then come, trust me: I'm living proof :D
 

red

Joined
Jul 28, 2018
i won't go into much detail but i went to the doctor complaining about a pain and the doctor pretty much said i was imagining it and refused to help.
 
Joined
Jul 28, 2018
Location
London
i won't go into much detail but i went to the doctor complaining about a pain and the doctor pretty much said i was imagining it and refused to help.
Don't like that shit go. My son was feeling sick a couple years ago; cough and literally just laying down feeling defeated. Doctors kept saying he had the flu/cold and just to give him Calpol (Paracetamol). We literally took him to 3 different hospitals, A&E, and one finally took a proper look. He said he lungs sound clear but the fact he's not reacting to the Calpol is worrying So recommended an X-Ray. Turns out he had pneumonia and almost the entirety of one of his lungs was filled with fluid.

Personally, I've had pains in the left side of my chest for some time. A few years ago, I went to a doctor to talk about it. Said I was too you to be worrying about heart problems and it's probably a muscle injury. Said he'll organise a scan but nothing came through. I chased up only a year or so later when I forced to grab my chest as I felt a sudden sharp pain. At this time I was also having heart palpitations. This time, they did hook me up to a machine for 15 minutes and said they couldn't see anything.

Don't know what to do next really. I think I need to have my arteries scanned or something as that could be the issue.
 
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bcdcdude

Dude with tweed :)
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The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles
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My darling Lucy-dog has just passed away. She was 12 years, 2 months.

She had been struggling the last couple of weeks and I'm just so glad she was able to be with her family to the end.
I'm grateful that I have been able to work from home in recent times so that she and Butters-dog were less lonely. She was grumpy as hell, but she loved us, Butters-dog and Sam-cat very much.

I often think the world is a cruel and horrible place, but then I think this world has given me Lucy-dog who has made the world a beautiful place. I'm glad so many friends and family have been able to be in her life.

We are going to bury her in the garden tomorrow with her precious owl and duck toys.

I love my Lucy-dog with all my heart. I'm going to miss her so much
😢


1652302644340.png
 

Seaman

It's SEA-MAN, you punk!
Joined
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Location
Spain/Africa
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Ouija board
i won't go into much detail but i went to the doctor complaining about a pain and the doctor pretty much said i was imagining it and refused to help.
sorry but that person is not qualified to be doctor. the procedure is derivate you to the forensic expert/pain unit and those are the ones to say what s happening. Next time, calmly invite the doc to write down tat: "i dr. Smith think the patient is imagining pains. signed" wtf
 

red

Joined
Jul 28, 2018
the female doctor told me i could request a male doctor to examine me, if i had further concerns. the male doctor called me today and said pains in your privates are normal and i was just having health anxiety. :rolleyes:
 
Last edited:

Seaman

It's SEA-MAN, you punk!
Joined
Sep 8, 2018
Location
Spain/Africa
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Ouija board
the female doctor told me i could request a male doctor to examine me, if i had further concerns. the male doctor called me today and said pains in your privates are normal and i was just having health anxiety. :rolleyes:
Genre/sex doesnt matters when it comes to negligent behaviour (not willing to debate it) To be completely honest:
It sounds utterly wrong. The way it should be, in my experience:
- That's all doc, thank you... I have this pain also but its probably noth-..
+ Excuse me? A pain could mean lots of things. Exploration NOW!
(doctor makes a pre exploration) "Hurt? no. Here? mmm, a bit. Here? Ouch!"
+ Ok you're going to be derivated to the specialist.

I get you're not even gettin preliminary explored (phonecall?!) which strikes me as a thing that could happen either to a minor, someone who goes in a weekly basis for everything or had lost temper with staff.
If you're not neither of those, ask kindly (i mean creepy kindness) to please write you down the diagnosys (you can play the game and say "its for showing to a psych, to treat my imaginary pains") and because thats an evidence of you being denied of health assistance (wow) you will get explored.
 
Joined
Nov 12, 2019
Location
Slovenia/Croatia
Currently playing
Pokemon GO, Yandere Simulator, SCUM (the latter two are coming up - need a better comp)
I never wanted to write any of this stuff, but my parents are waging conflicts between themselves over truly miniscule things. Ever since we bought a vacation home and a trailer over the last ten years down in Croatia, things have started to get out of hand at a ridiculous pace. A few months ago, our Croatian neighbor sabotaged us by giving us a water bill due to a pipeline leak in our trailer hamlet, without us even knowing about the fact that the pipes were leaky due to a design flaw. Even though the bill wasn't exorbitantly high, we still had to pay it, because according to her: we're in the tourism business and we can pay as much as we can. She is known to have a very bad reputation among the people living in the village due to her conniving nature, but we accepted her the way she is, despite a little begrudgingly.
Moreover, my father is going to celebrate his 60th birthday next month and the question is how, when and where are we even going to organize everything. I'd really want to have it at our vacation home, but the problem is whether or not my mom will be up for it, as she cannot stand my father drinking alcohol. The problem is that my mom works in the medical business and alcohol is one of those things that is the bane of existance for her. There were times when she just wanted to take her stuff and leave our house simply because my dad went to the bar once or twice a year. I tried to convince her that if my dad were an alcoholic, I would be under a bridge or in a correctional facility with no money and no future. All she responded with was "Stay out of our business!", but hey: it IS my business if I wish to remain with you guys as a handicapped individual.
The last few weeks were a torment: my psychiatrist fell ill, my parents were arguing again and I spiralled into a world of insecurity. But the last few days were amazingly great. I had a convo with my shrink today and the overall feeling was on top of the World. If this kind of stuff continues, I might not even have to worry about the pain that my parents are going through, but as always, tomorrow is a better day.
 

Truck_1_0_1_

I Don't Know, but I Have You!
Joined
Aug 5, 2018
Location
Barrie, Ontario, Canada
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Shenmue II
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Nothing :(
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Truck_1_0_1_
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Truck_1_0_1_
Sucks about the 60 year bday, but I will say that for both of my parents' 60ths (they are both born in 1956), I was living in Calgary (over 2,000 km+ away) and we didn't do any party or anything.

We all were ok with that. I had my 30th bday 3 years ago and I literally went to have ribs with my wife and came home to a cake, with no gift.

I know the world puts such a big emphasis on parties and experiences, but I would ask your father if he feels like doing something special and if he does, try to do that. If not, ask him what he does want to do and do that!

And if he wants to just spend the day with family, nothing wrong with that either ;)

Hope things continue to progress, Shansun!
 
Joined
Nov 12, 2019
Location
Slovenia/Croatia
Currently playing
Pokemon GO, Yandere Simulator, SCUM (the latter two are coming up - need a better comp)
Once again, I would like to thank everyone, especially @Truck_1_0_1_ for such heartwarming wishes. As of right now, I am doing much better both mentally and socially. Today I'm going to the mall with my dad, where we'll shop for some new clothes for myself and tomorrow I am going on a picnic with my church, where we'll also discuss my mental health further down the line.
As for my dad's party, I'll try to prepare something in advance if possible. Next week I'll be home alone for several days so eating out and Bday planning might be options.
Also, one more thing: since I (almost) never mentioned any hobbies of mine, I'll do that just now: my current greatest hobby is going to my pastor's church. He happens to be my country's best soccer player of all time too and tomorrow will be his final match, so fingers crossed and prayers sent that he finishes his 14-year long career with a bang. Other hobbies of mine are cooking and programming, even though the latter is currently on hold.
And finally I mentioned soccer. Anybody up here a soccer fan? I know about @Mittens2317 and @bcdcdude being two of them. My town's soccer club played in the UEFA Champions League three times before (1999, 2014 and 2017) and left a memorable impression in the competition. Ironically, the current UEFA president is a Slovene (Aleksander Čeferin - pronounced Alexander Cheferin) and is known for his bold and strategic ways of handling business. My current favorite teams are Liverpool, Chelsea and Man City, as well as Real Madrid and Barcelona and of course my hometown's club of NK Maribor.
Sorry, if the final paragraph sounds like it belongs in the Random thoughts section, but I am feeling ecstatic when writing about hobbies and feelings. Once again thank you to everyone for your wishes and I'll see you guys around!
 

bcdcdude

Dude with tweed :)
Joined
Aug 20, 2018
Location
United Kingdom
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Shenmue
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The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles
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bcdcdude
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Once again, I would like to thank everyone, especially @Truck_1_0_1_ for such heartwarming wishes. As of right now, I am doing much better both mentally and socially. Today I'm going to the mall with my dad, where we'll shop for some new clothes for myself and tomorrow I am going on a picnic with my church, where we'll also discuss my mental health further down the line.
As for my dad's party, I'll try to prepare something in advance if possible. Next week I'll be home alone for several days so eating out and Bday planning might be options.
Also, one more thing: since I (almost) never mentioned any hobbies of mine, I'll do that just now: my current greatest hobby is going to my pastor's church. He happens to be my country's best soccer player of all time too and tomorrow will be his final match, so fingers crossed and prayers sent that he finishes his 14-year long career with a bang. Other hobbies of mine are cooking and programming, even though the latter is currently on hold.
And finally I mentioned soccer. Anybody up here a soccer fan? I know about @Mittens2317 and @bcdcdude being two of them. My town's soccer club played in the UEFA Champions League three times before (1999, 2014 and 2017) and left a memorable impression in the competition. Ironically, the current UEFA president is a Slovene (Aleksander Čeferin - pronounced Alexander Cheferin) and is known for his bold and strategic ways of handling business. My current favorite teams are Liverpool, Chelsea and Man City, as well as Real Madrid and Barcelona and of course my hometown's club of NK Maribor.
Sorry, if the final paragraph sounds like it belongs in the Random thoughts section, but I am feeling ecstatic when writing about hobbies and feelings. Once again thank you to everyone for your wishes and I'll see you guys around!
Glad to hear things are going well sir. Sadly, I don't like soccer (or football)! I wish I could, but I was really never into sports and I had some bad experiences. The first football match I ever went to (of two) ended in a riot and there is a small minority of people who ruin it for the fans who love the game. Still, I'm pleased for you and glad that it is something you are passionate about :)

The day after Lucy-dog passed away, my father dug a grave and built a coffin. He said it was the last thing he could do for her. My brother and I carried her to the grave and she was buried with her favourite cushion, blanket and cuddly toys (which are in the photo). My dad planted a fruit tree on her grave and every morning I walk past her grave and wish her a good morning and how much I love her.

Seeing as i'm here, I do have some small updates. I am trying really hard to buy a house (albeit 40% ownership) and found one that I really liked. I reserved the plot and applied for a mortgage straight away. I had to wait a MONTH only to hear back and be told that they could only offer me a mortgage £9,000 less than I need (and I only need £73,000 which is nothing in mortgage terms). I was so, so angry. I applied for a new mortgage straight away (at £38 a month more thank you very much broken Britain and the cost of living/interest crisis) and the other day I was told that the application has been approved pending a valuation of the house. Frankly, until I get the keys in my hands, i'm still on edge, but it's encouraging news. It's only a 10 minute drive away from my family too.

I've also mentioned that i've been struggling at work with my Aspergers, yet i'm doing my best despite my lack of concentration etc. In the 14 1/2 years i've worked in this job, I would say we have only had about 6 people leave in all that time. In the last month, 4 people left (1/3rd of our team) due to retirement, better jobs etc. My team leader has told me that they think they can't give me the support I need during this time of upheaval, so I have been recommended a secondment in another team. When this team found out about me, they said they were desperate for someone like me (and it helps I have a friend in this team too!) It's a pay cut, but my current higher salary will be protected and I have the safety net of returning to my current job at any time. I'm meeting the new team later this week, but I think this sounds like a lovely opportunity. The only worry is having to be in the office 3 days a week and it's a 50 mile round trip each day, but after a few weeks it might go down to two days a week. And if I get this new house, I can use a combination of train and cycling to get to work.

I've been keeping in constant contact with my girlfriend in Japan (now 3 years since we've seen each other in person), but i'm so happy we're able to talk a lot easier now. A couple of years ago, I was lucky to get a text once a week, whereas now we talk almost every day, even if it's about nothing. We are both very shy and nervous, but we care about each other a lot. Recently, she will call me randomly just to wish me goodnight which is lovely. I really hope I can go back to Japan later this year when the borders finally open. I have asked her if she can get me some Shenmue merch and she said yes haha!

So yeah, it's been a bit of a rollercoaster of emotions recently and that's without talking about the general anxiety of living in the UK at the moment (I feel sick that trying to be a decent human being is seen as a weakness), but I hope things will be OK. I am still unsure why i'm not able to cry over Lucy-dog, but I know the tears will come soon. And even then, I think about her every day. And Butters-dog and Sam-cat and Merlin-cat. And I worry about my anger issues, but ultimately I try to be a good person, even if it means I have to be selfish and put myself first to help others.

I'm glad we're a good bunch of people here. It's nice and encouraging :)
 
Joined
Aug 3, 2018
Location
North Carolina
Favourite title
Shenmue
Currently playing
Elden Ring
Dojo family,

The event of today has decidedly taken an emotional and mental toll on me.

I'm the father of a wonderful 9 year old son and 7 year old daughter. When will enough be enough for us?

I shouldn't have to watch my kids tell me goodbye in the mornings, faces smiling, as they head into school, wondering as I drive on to work afterward that could be the last I hear or see of them ever again due to someone with a gun?

It's so hard being a parent in these times. You can't go to the park, to the store, drop them off at school, without the fear that a nightmare could walk in at any point.

We must do something. Anything. Thoughts and prayers from the powers that be has not, nor will it ever, accomplish anything. Action is needed.
 

Truck_1_0_1_

I Don't Know, but I Have You!
Joined
Aug 5, 2018
Location
Barrie, Ontario, Canada
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Shenmue II
Currently playing
Nothing :(
PSN
Truck_1_0_1_
Steam
Truck_1_0_1_
Second amendment needs to be repealed; nothing more to it.

I don't mean to bring politics into it, but THAT is the action that is needed; the US is the ONLY country on the planet that has this ass-backwards gun policy and that's the root issue, as you can't assist EVERYONE who is mentally ill.

It's taking a toll on non-parents in other countries as well; a ton of people I follow on IG have had in their stories that they feel terrible and/or disgusted with this, as they're worried that this shit will get to their country as well (especially here in Canada, as we are attached to the US) and my wife works in schools as an ECE and supply teacher, so I don't ever want to think what could happen (and we live in a fairly-conservative city in Ontario, where there are the Canadian versions of MAGA people who have been parading around for months, with their crass vehicles and bullshit flags). These people mentioned all have hunting/gun culture bumper/car stickers (and they ALL have these stickers, quite a few of them), so it could absolutely happen up here too, as many hunters own rifles and shotguns (thankfully, handguns are completely illegal in any capacity in Canada, outside of law enforcement and they typically only come into the country via illegal means).

Mental health issues are at an all-time high and the background issues/events that cause these issues, must be cut off at the head. Period.
 

Kenzo38130

"Youngest shenmue fan"
Joined
Nov 11, 2019
Location
France
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Shenmue II
Currently playing
Hood Story: Kaito Yamazaki
PSN
Rdc433
Once again, I would like to thank everyone, especially @Truck_1_0_1_ for such heartwarming wishes. As of right now, I am doing much better both mentally and socially. Today I'm going to the mall with my dad, where we'll shop for some new clothes for myself and tomorrow I am going on a picnic with my church, where we'll also discuss my mental health further down the line.
As for my dad's party, I'll try to prepare something in advance if possible. Next week I'll be home alone for several days so eating out and Bday planning might be options.
Also, one more thing: since I (almost) never mentioned any hobbies of mine, I'll do that just now: my current greatest hobby is going to my pastor's church. He happens to be my country's best soccer player of all time too and tomorrow will be his final match, so fingers crossed and prayers sent that he finishes his 14-year long career with a bang. Other hobbies of mine are cooking and programming, even though the latter is currently on hold.
And finally I mentioned soccer. Anybody up here a soccer fan? I know about @Mittens2317 and @bcdcdude being two of them. My town's soccer club played in the UEFA Champions League three times before (1999, 2014 and 2017) and left a memorable impression in the competition. Ironically, the current UEFA president is a Slovene (Aleksander Čeferin - pronounced Alexander Cheferin) and is known for his bold and strategic ways of handling business. My current favorite teams are Liverpool, Chelsea and Man City, as well as Real Madrid and Barcelona and of course my hometown's club of NK Maribor.
Sorry, if the final paragraph sounds like it belongs in the Random thoughts section, but I am feeling ecstatic when writing about hobbies and feelings. Once again thank you to everyone for your wishes and I'll see you guys around!
I'm a big Real Madrid fan
 
Joined
Jul 28, 2018
Location
London
I started to feel a little stressed out again. Son is 5, most likely autistic, ADHD and been told he needs glasses and needs to see a specialist about his optic nerve. Work isn't hard, doing quite well, but my drive has dropped to an all time low. Seems to happen at every job after a year or so.

Funny enough, I've been invited to an interview for what essentially will be a promotion. I'm on a contract covering someone for a year that is coming back. There is no space in the team for me but they're trying to keep me in the company. I just can't bring myself to revise for this role. Was told on Tuesday and it's tomorrow. I'm typing this instead of revising.

Don't know what it is. Just have little interest in nothing and long to be in a position where I can have a couple years off without having to worry about bills.
 
Joined
Jul 28, 2018
Location
London
I'll try and keep this short and it will be interesting to get others opinions on this. Dad has cancer, it's spreading, he's old and though he's not immobile/on his death bed, we're all aware that this isn't going away and is probably going to kill him very soon. He was given at least 6 months almost 6 months ago.

I love about 40 miles from him and can't see travel that distance with both kids in the car, nor handle them both outside it so asked my wife (as I have to do) if she minds coming with me. The reason I have to ask is that she found a new religion which forbids any work on Saturdays (which includes visiting people) so we do everything on a Sunday (cooking, cleaning, child activities etc.).

Despite knowing this, her first words after asking is "we can't stay long as I'm tired and want to rest". This happens literally every time she agrees to come with me so my dad can see the kids. And when we are there, she spends all of the time not interacting and constantly reminding me of the time and asking when we are leaving.

Should I be more accommodating? Is this religious thing just a bit too far?
 

Seaman

It's SEA-MAN, you punk!
Joined
Sep 8, 2018
Location
Spain/Africa
Currently playing
Ouija board
I'll try and keep this short and it will be interesting to get others opinions on this. Dad has cancer, it's spreading, he's old and though he's not immobile/on his death bed, we're all aware that this isn't going away and is probably going to kill him very soon. He was given at least 6 months almost 6 months ago.

I love about 40 miles from him and can't see travel that distance with both kids in the car, nor handle them both outside it so asked my wife (as I have to do) if she minds coming with me. The reason I have to ask is that she found a new religion which forbids any work on Saturdays (which includes visiting people) so we do everything on a Sunday (cooking, cleaning, child activities etc.).

Despite knowing this, her first words after asking is "we can't stay long as I'm tired and want to rest". This happens literally every time she agrees to come with me so my dad can see the kids. And when we are there, she spends all of the time not interacting and constantly reminding me of the time and asking when we are leaving.

Should I be more accommodating? Is this religious thing just a bit too far?
... Mate, im just a stranger on the internet with a heavy bag made of wrong desitions. So my first advice: Don't take my advice. Said this, have you told this issue with a close friend? If not, I suggest that.
Because my opinion may be too bold as its not sound as a religious matter but empathy, love and sacrifice.
Hold on, losing dad is shit. 2x shit if cancer, is traumatic watching. But eventually after some years you be able to remember "the ol' mule" with smiles and not tears. You will still missing him but that's healthy.
If you need it me PM box is there
 
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