Mental Health Dojo

[Catchanysailorshere?]

Thank you both so much. It warms my heart to know there is goodness in the world.

I've still been struggling truth be told; I learned my father has been struggling financially and has cashed in his pension before retirement. I'm due to look at my house in a couple of weeks and know that i'm going to be struggling to keep my head above water as it is without the worry my family can't support themselves. But I sent a desperate plea out to my best friends for a pint this evening (even if it means me driving) and for a few hours i've been able to forget my problems and get into real discussions such as whether R.E.M's 1996 album "New Adventures In Hi-Fi" is underrated or not (it is).

I'm not terribly religious, but I grew up in a half religious/half athiest family, and I do find power in faith. Every Christmas Eve after I drop my friends home after our traditional Xmas Eve pint, I drive to the church in my old village. It's all lit up and midnight mass is happening. I don't go in, but at 10 to midnight I stand outside the church and count my blessings and pray for happiness for my loved ones. I try to keep the faith, even if it wavers, but I find more good in people than bad.

I talked to my girlfriend yesterday and I said I was ashamed I was on the verge of tears all the time recently. She smiled and said "you're just a delicate person". She makes fun of me a lot, but always in a playful, gentle way, but that warmed my heart. I've never had a proper relationship before her, so I work really hard to keep things going. I think she appreciates it as she said how kind I am (even when I think i'm not) and that keeps me going.

I am keeping busy this weekend meeting friends, so I hope to forget about my problems for a little while. I'm sure come Monday it'll return, but I have to keep faith my father will get better and their financial woes will sort itself out. I will of course help, but the timing with purchasing a house is really bad. My mother says not to worry, but I am a natural worrywort. If I can't fix a problem, I panic. I just wish I wasn't always so delicate and that I could think pragmatically.

Once again, thank you for your kind words. It means so much to me <3

I hope you a great day.

 

[LittleBoShenmue]

Alright guys, time to give you a little update on what's going on with my life: As of the 1st of March, I am on a hospital leave in my country's capital city, where I'm on a regulated diet and therapy due to my Yo-Yo effects as a side-effect of my diagnosis. The bad news is that I don't have any "freedom" due to the lingering pandemic - we're not allowed to exit the ward, nor are we allowed to bring any food with us, or have visits and home leaves. The good news however is that I lost over 4kg in less than two weeks, improving my overall feeling and health. I am also on very good terms with everyone, so everything is alright.
Thank you to everyone for the good wishes. Yes, life is getting harder every second for all of us, but I'll be sending wishes and prayers to everyone in need. Best of luck, and I'll be back in a few days/weeks.

 

[Truck_1_0_1_]

Excellent, Shansun! Drop that weight, you can do it!

 

[pilman]

I started a new treatment that seems to have helped significantly for myself anyways, time will tell. After being on multiple medications for obsessive compulsive disorder and severe anxiety/depression, it just seemed that nothing was working. I was looking into different treatments outside the US including TMS therapy but I was worried long term how it would affect the brain. I started Ketamine treatment which is legal in the US as long as done in a clinical environment by an approved doctor or practician.

I got to a point where 2021 was really a breaking point, I nearly lost my job just struggling through it all, forgetting things, severe insomnia and the world becoming a blur and I wanted options, I started going to appointments for IM injections which were...kind of working short term but not enough, switched to IV form which was expensive but more effective, I absolutely hate needles but I was willing to make the exception because my life was becoming confined to a bed most of the day and having no motivation for anything and my son and wife were suffering without my attention to our family.

I had no idea how this "magic medicine" was supposed to work and the idea was a bit scary. Pretty much set up a playlist by John Hopkins, put some headphones on, was probably about 1 to 2 minutes and felt my lips go numb, everything started to blur, my memory was erasing it's self of every concept of what life was, what people were, almost like all of life was just this software that was created in a computer or something. I was still conscious but felt like I was in purgatory or had no concepts of language, history, nothing. I never been in a state of feeling absolute nothingness with no memory but yet was like folding space and time spread out. I tried to remember memories of my family but the concept wasnt there and I began to worry if I literally fried my brain accidentally. I wasnt sure if it was permanent, it was kind if like being on the molecular level. Slowly started to regain some form of recognizing patterns but time was weird and was still wondering if it was permanent.

I dont know why but after I came to, was not anxious or fearful for a long time. I am still researching into all this but I guess people with ptsd have had success with it, only way I could give a definition is some form of serenity.

Things have slowly become better but not as a result of the injection, it helped to just erase all the thoughts and reboot my memory and start to comprehend other peoples feelings, start to appreciate more the important things, let go of negatives and not loop the same terrible thoughts all the time.

 

[BloodyHeartland]

There’s not a lot of things that can really get me down these days, but after getting back to work after the previous week of getting my polymeric nasa certification, I find one of my coworkers has resigned. What a way to start off a new week with news like that…especially having thought I’d surprise them with the good news.

Almost everywhere I work there tends to be at least somewhat high turnover, so it’s not like I’m new to people just leaving or anything, but man…it’s really not often that I get to work with anyone who takes the job as seriously as I do either, not to mention who really gets my sense of humor. To be honest I felt it hard to kind of keep it together throughout the rest of the shift.

I was glad to hear from her by text later on at least, and that she seemed to have gotten a better opportunity elsewhere - I had been worried that maybe she got in trouble for a mistake I’d made a couple weeks ago. I wouldn’t put it past some of the management to make some dumb decisions like that. But yeah, I suppose she’s in a better place now.

 

[LittleBoShenmue]

Once again, thank you for the good wishes @Truck_1_0_1_ !

Oh, BTW, surrounding those "magic meds" and stuff, have any of you guys ever heard of Purosalin pills? They're supposedly *borderline* successful, but after I tested them, I ended up with a myriad of Yo-Yo effects. Every review online was *positive*, but it didn't take me long, before I figured out me and my mom were scammed. We spent over 180€ on two frigging bottles of these pills, but all they gave me we Yo-Yo effects and some grey hair. Never and I mean Never again will I waste cash on something that wasn't clinically proven and tested by professionals.

Please reply to me if you have experienced something similar.

 

[red]

had a crappy shopping experience today which bummed me out. i'll probably dwell on it for 2 days.
i know it's nothing major but i just made me feel like shit.

Spoiler

basically a man kept looking at me, smirking and following me around while shopping in a store. turns out he was some sort of plain clothes worker or security guard. i thought he was just some prick eyeing me up. but halfway though shopping i realized he was some sort of worker.. so i thought "ok" i know what's going on.
when i was paying for my stuff a cop showed up and over heard them say "is that the guy you called me about".. so not only did i get fucking profiled and he even called the police on me. felt like the cop and security guard were getting ready to pounce on me but nothing happened because i don't steal.. made me feel very embarrassed and annoyed. joke was i was so pissed off, when getting served, i pointed out the guy to the woman serving me and asked if he worked there and stated he was following me around but the till worker said she didn't know who i was talking about and when i continue talking she just ignored me, she clearly didn't want to out her "stealthy" security guard.

getting followed around by security guards use to happen a lot when i was younger but i thought that was a thing of the past. just makes me really paranoid about the way i look.

 

[Nathanial Essex]

]...

 

[BloodyHeartland]

anyone else here have or had parents who regularly gaslight them? I don’t like to use the term loosely but every day it feels like that’s just what they do. Ever since I had my first job, it’s always been downplaying any trouble I’ve had while accepting those of my siblings, especially the youngest and most spoiled. At 30 maybe I really should have my own place but that’s pretty much a pipe dream in my current situation.

 

[LittleBoShenmue]

Hello again everyone!

Small update over at my end: in the last week of April, we will be able to exit the ward temporarily as the number of newly infected is slowly but surely dwindling. The masks are no longer mandatory, only recommended and in May we will (hopefully) get free weekends so I'll be able to live more "freely" and with some spare time. Also I'll probably be returning to some of my hobbies so everything is finally coming together quite nicely.

 

[Nathanial Essex]

anyone else here have or had parents who regularly gaslight them? I don’t like to use the term loosely but every day it feels like that’s just what they do. Ever since I had my first job, it’s always been downplaying any trouble I’ve had while accepting those of my siblings, especially the youngest and most spoiled. At 30 maybe I really should have my own place but that’s pretty much a pipe dream in my current situation.

Somewhat feel your pain. My mum and I never got along when I was younger. Constantly annoying me, physically attacking me for next to no reason and a bunch of other stuff. I moved out 8 or so years ago; first with my now wife and then to our own place. Ever since then, my mum has been extra nice towards now that I don't need her at all.

Can't really give much advice but not give your parents much time if they're only going to downplay any feelings. Confide in others and look to get the hell out of there if possible.

 

[danielmann861]

At the beginning of the year I was just shy of 210 kg (not proud of that by any means, but that's what years of untreated self loathing and depression does, kids. Or at least in my case, it turned me into someone who stopped giving a damn about himself) After this months weigh in I'm down to 192kg.

In 4 months I've lost 18kg. Not half bad

Still got a long way to go though. A lot more belly fat to burn yet.

 

[Truck_1_0_1_]

That's 40 pounds, fantastic Dan! Keep it up!

 

[Nathanial Essex]

View attachment 15044

At the beginning of the year I was just shy of 210 kg. After this months weigh in I'm down to 192kg. In 4 months I've lost 18kg. Not half bad

Still got a long way to go though. A lot more belly fat to burn yet.

Fantastic work! I've always struggled with my weight and trying desperately to lose a lot this year. Beginning of this year I got to the heaviest I ever have been at over 134kg. I've managed to get down to about 129kg but obviously not losing weight as fast as I used to before.

Funny thing, the main thing that helped with my mild weight loss was reading. Dua Lipa article. I'm not into celebrity culture at all but clicked the article just to, frankly speaking, perv over her a little. It mentioned how she keeps in shape by simply not eating after 6pm. I tried it and it's somewhat working.

It works for me because I'll eat decent during the day and then snack on a bunch of crap in the evening. Just cutting out that snacking has helped with the weight loss without any physical activity.

What has been your approach?

 

[danielmann861]

Fantastic work! I've always struggled with my weight and trying desperately to lose a lot this year. Beginning of this year I got to the heaviest I ever have been at over 134kg. I've managed to get down to about 129kg but obviously not losing weight as fast as I used to before.

Funny thing, the main thing that helped with my mild weight loss was reading. Dua Lipa article. I'm not into celebrity culture at all but clicked the article just to, frankly speaking, perv over her a little. It mentioned how she keeps in shape by simply not eating after 6pm. I tried it and it's somewhat working.

It works for me because I'll eat decent during the day and then snack on a bunch of crap in the evening. Just cutting out that snacking has helped with the weight loss without any physical activity.

What has been your approach?

I stopped eating bread and pasta about a month and a half back. Bread was a big culprit for me. Without realising it I could go through a loaf in a night just snacking away slice by slice. I went to a dietician and she told me to brutally honest. When I told her about the bread she instantly said “well there is one thing you need to change drastically.”

So I cut out bread and pasta all together and have felt better for it.

Soft drink is another culprit for me. I didn‘t entirely go cold turkey but I have moved over to Sugar Free Sprite as being my go to whenever I need something with taste. But I mostly just drink water now. At least I’m off the hard stuff.

I don’t really work out, but I do try to walk 30 to 60 minutes a day. There is a pretty steep hill near my house that I’ve been climbing recently at my own pace that helps build up a sweat.

Yeah I don’t really calorie count but I am trying to eat less and replace what I’m eating with healthier substitutes. More fruit, less junk kind of thing and it has worked for me so far.

 

[Truck_1_0_1_]

I had bread last night for the first time in at least 3 weeks, if not longer; that is a 100% killer for me, always has been.

And yes, I've cut down on pop as well; I found my first-ever bottle of Faygo (ICP!) at a random convenience store that is on our fishing route (I went up to check if the ice had melted on the lakes yet and no go ) and it was only 600 ml or something.

I started it on Sunday, finished it last night. Just a little bit of pop in moderation like that, doesn't hurt in the slightest (unlike when I was younger and would have like 3 cans in one sitting).

I used to go nuts on diet pop (Diet Dr. Pepper tastes like the genuine article and Pepsi Max {now Pepsi Zero Sugar} were my go-tos), but then I got cancer and was told that even though diet drinks don't cause malignancy, it can cause your cells to not function/reproduce properly, which can in turn cause cysts/issues that can turn cancerous, thus I haven't had a drop of anything diet since.

Keep it up, Dan; you're sticking to a plan and it's working; seeing results is always the best part of the work

 

[SB00]

Good job Dan! Give Muay Thai or Boxing a go mate. Best thing i ever did.

 

[LittleBoShenmue]

Alright, I'm back as well with some good and bad news. The good news is the fact that I'm back home and I have some spare time to exercise and my hobbies. The bad news is that I've been ejected from the ward due to a case of acting out and as a result, I was given a discharge and was sent home. Nevertheless, I am constantly monitoring my weight, doing some *minor* sports, such as walking around, eating over half less than usual and using special prescription meds that help regulate your body fat and cholesterol.

One thing that personally helped me with my weight loss is avoiding anything with too much sugar and carbohydrates and of course drinking plenty of water and unsugared coffee. Ironically, when I was at the ward every single one of my co-patients kept ordering takeout food, as there is still that unsavory rumor that hospital food is poor in quality, despite the staff's best effort to keep us well fed. Also I incorrectly diagnosed myself with Yo-Yo effects, when in reality I am compulsively eating, but thanks to the therapy I no longer keep thinking about food and I'm focused more on sports and other hobbies.

Since we're talking about which foods to eliminate or seek a substitute for them, I changed quite a few foods too: starting with bread and cheese - avoiding white wheat bread and processed cheese almost fully and substituting them with brown/rye bread and mozzarella cheese. Another curve to avoid for me is snacking on candy and chocolate. When I was slightly younger, this kind of stuff was on my menu on a near-daily basis. To top it off, I washed everything down with soda pop, and even Red Bull when I had the chance. Today I eat this in moderation, or should I say occasionally.

Personally I'm a flexitarian, not too much meat and more veggies and fruit is what I prefer after reading a ton of various studies, as it is important to eat everything, be it animal or plant-based.

Finally, I started doing some sports. As of right now, I am only walking around and catching Pokemon on my mobile device on a daily basis, but I'm also thinking about hitting the gym and the swimming pool now that I have time. Making small steps is far more important than making bigger ones, otherwise I may burn myself out from working out too much.

 

[BloodyHeartland]

I’d spent some time in the hospital last week after having caught what I thought was just a cold. Was pretty hellish especially for my breathing. Having seen my doctor yesterday, he seems to think it’s been metapnuemovirus. Not really sure but I guess he must know. Now I’m on oxygen at home and can’t return to work really until I’m weened off of it. Looking at possibly 3 months disability but really I don’t think it should take that long…but now I’m really just bummed out my vacation I had planned and my paid time off is all wasted on this where I’ll have to be working to get myself in better shape again rather than doing what I wanted and relaxing. It takes so long to build up more time off again it may not be til winter if not next year.

 

[Your Boy Leroy]

My mom was in this crazy car accident about a month ago, which took the life of my aunt (my mom’s sister, and the passenger in her car). It was a head-on collision, where the at-fault driver crossed the double-yellow line. I found out a week later that this piece of shit was the little brother of one of my middle-school friends. Fucking crazy.

Prior to the accident, my mom was hospitalized for pneumonia/COVID. Work had been driving me absolutely crazy at that time, to the point of tears and totally breaking down. I took two weeks off, hoping to use that time to both figure something out for myself and to keep an eye on my mom. A few days later, she was in that car accident. I went back to work for one day, but then she was brought back into the ICU. I ended up taking more leave from work, which I’m still on now.

The past month and a half has been crazy. About my job, I’ve been unsure about it since day one. But with it being the highest-paying job I’ve ever had, and being with a HUGE company, I figured I was lucky. Especially considering that for 15 years prior to that, I was stuck at a job I absolutely HATED.

I’ve always thought the idea of working was bullshit. The idea of doing something you don’t want to do just to essentially “earn your freedom” when you retire was something I couldn’t swallow. My aunt was retired for one week before she was killed in that car accident. Now this idea really hit close to home.

I just got into a small argument with my wife about all this. Her, my parents, and almost anyone aside from my sister and her husband can’t really understand the fact that I have this perspective that work is a waste of your life. I just got a huge pay raise, my managers are pushing to promote me, and they think I’m absolutely good at what I do, whereas I absolutely do NOT think I’m good at what I do. I have zero confidence in my ability at my job and have mad anxiety about it, but I’m the only one who thinks that. This is probably due to the fact that I just don’t like what I do, and I don’t belong in that particular industry.

I’m sitting outside of my apartment right now just blowing off some steam. But I’m also wondering if I’m crazy for thinking like this. I have a good job, a place to stay, married to the love of my life, but I’m still miserable. I know I sound super-spoiled/entitled/ungrateful, especially with everything that’s going on in the world now. But the bottom line is that I’m unhappy. I shouldn’t be, because I’ve “played the game” and doing well so far, but I’m still unhappy.

I’m an artist. If there is anything about myself that I am 100% confident about, is that I am an artist. All of my true energy goes into creating my work. I just don’t know how to make that work for myself and my family.

I’m at the point where it seems that my happiness doesn’t matter. As long as I’m making good money, then happiness doesn’t matter. My mom literally said that to me just three days before her accident. Now, her perspective, as well as my dad’s, are bit different.